Short update

Ok, its been a bit quiet on EG for a while, but for good reasons. Firstly, I haven’t bought a new game for ages, so there’s little for me to write about. I’d rather have few posts of good quality, accurate games journalism rather than spamming my blog with crap about games that nobody plays.

Speaking of games nobody plays, I installed Thief: Deadly Shadows on my 2nd PC, because it refuses to work with my main PC, so expect a few posts on that.

In other news, I intend to pitch a few more articles to the Escapist, because their new editorial calendar is out, and quite a few issues have caught my interest.

Finally, I’m considering a change of banner, because this one is getting old. Opinions please.

Dream Games No.1 – Dexter

So this is the start of a new series of blog posts entitled “dream games”. It’ll just be a collection of my unfulfilled and futile dreams of games that should be made. So to start off; Dexter.

The essence of the TV show is that its all about him trying to mix in with society, while having murder as a hobby. Rather than funnel you down a semi-linear, highly scripted experience, like most TV/film adaption games do, this would be completely free-form. There’d be a GTA style city, with huge amounts to interact with. You’d have to manage three things; your job as a forensics investigator, your social life, and your serial killings. Fucking up in one will affect the others.

For example, a messy kill will mean you have to spend time investigating your own crime scene, which means less time to socialise with friends or Rita (who you have to keep pleased, lest she dump you). Inconsistencies show up, and people get suspicious. You could theoretically murder these people, but it’ll be hard to avoid being caught.

Fuck up horrifically, and you’ll enter a flashback, where your father will give you assistance, or advise you on what to do next. The game would have a Left 4 Dead-ish director, making sure things are kept interesting.  The game might have Doakes, a suspicious co-worker, start stalking you, or have Paul, Rita’s ex, suddenly start trying to get back into her life.

But the main part of the game will be managing the aforementioned 3 things; social life, work, and murdering. Mixing them would create interesting scenarios. For example, you suspect someone of homicide, but theres not enough proof to get him legally, so he goes free. You could use your work resources to find out where he lives, then approach him to try to find out more. Once you’ve collect enough intelligence about your target through work and socialising, you can choose your kill-area, set it up, then take the target down in your choice.

The game will basically be a mix of Fahrenheit, Fable, and Hitman. And it’ll be made by the team that did Deus Ex. In the CryEngine. With Source physics. And a script by Tim Schafer.

Cloud Cult – Feel Good Ghosts Review

It’s easy to review a film, or a game, because there’s very basic criteria, and you can easily tick all the boxes on a list in a review. I have no clue how to approach a music review, so I’ll try and do this track by track, which makes more sense to me than lumping all the songs together and reviewing them.

1 – No one said it would be easy

It’s a basic start to the album, and while it isn’t the best song, it certainly does give you the idea of what Cloud Cult are really all about; lengthy instrumental intros, repetition of lyrics, guitars, and a general feel-good atmosphere.

2 – Everybody here is a cloud

A quieter track than the first, it’s also softer and has better lyrics. Bonus points for the SOOKY SOOKY SOOKY SOO! bit.

3 – The tornado lessons

Far more unconventional, this features an organ, and a clip of audio from a message from Apollo 8. The lyrics, while there aren’t many of them, are brilliant. Minus points for the annoying as hell squirrel voices in the background.

4 – When water comes to life

The song with the longest instrumental parts (featuring violins), but certainly the softest. Not brilliant lyrics, but its fantastic in that it turns from a single violin into a massive syntheticy indie piece.

5 – Must Explore

It’s an audio clip of a guy going “man must explore”. Shouldn’t be counted as a track, and serves no real purpose.

6 – Journey of the featherless

It’s a genero-indie song, and to be honest I don’t like it. The lyrics aren’t uplifting, and the ending just doesn’t sound right.

7 – The ghost inside our house

Another genero-indie song, and like journey, I disliked it. It’s acoustic guitars, with a guy singing very softly.

8 – It’s what you need

One of the shortest tracks, it’s one of my favourites. It’s short and sweet, I love the beat and instinctively yell “what you need!” when listening to it.

9 – Story of the grandson of Jesus

I didn’t think I would like this one, what with the theistic implications, but its just a really nice song. Guitars and drums play as a modern-day parable is sung in a slightly computerish voice. Bonus points for when someone laughs “I messed up” and then an incredibly quiet, yet assertive voice says “No you didn’t.”

10 – Hurricane and fire survival guide

The opening makes it seem like this song will be depressing, with a piano peice, and then some high background notes from some weird instrument that I have no idea what is called. But then it reaches a crescendo more than 2 thirds of the way through, and we hear the uplifting lyrics “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”, before they hum along along with the tune.

11 – May your hearts stay strong

Since when was it obligatory to include a depressing song an indie album? AIH did it with Places like this by putting in Feather in a Baseball Cap. If you want to savour the essence of Cloud Cult’s sweet happiness, skip this song.

12 – The will of a volcano

Slightly yell-y, but great singing, and the odd choice of instruments suits it perfectly. Then the electric guitars and drums kick in. The entire song is one crescendo,  before collapsing into silence. Great.

13 – Love you all

A mainly instrumental song, but an electronic voice butts in regularly to talk about loving parents (no, don’t run). The fact that this voice is electronic up until the end makes the humanity of the vocalist all the more striking.

GCSE Module Results

I do 3 papers to start off with; one for each subject, those being physics, chemistry and biology. The maximum result for each is 50. For A* you need at least 45, and for an A you need 40. So it was with great glee I noted down my results.

P1A – 47
B1A – 43
C1A – 50

So two A*s, an A, and full marks on chemistry. Not too bad. But I’m less confident with my ISA, which is when you’re marked on an experiment.  I also don’t get the results back for the ISA, because the results are subject to moderation by the exam board. Ah well.

In other news, Cloud Cult, Mountain Goats and Architecture in Helsinki are all competing to be my favourite band. Throw some Decemberists in there, and I’m about to explode with such a difficult choice.

Last.fm is brilliant

So, in an effort to discover good and new music, I’ve turned to last.fm. You create a free profile, download a teensy application, type in the name of favourite bands or genres, and then it’ll play you a big selection of similar music. You then choose “love” or “hate” and last.fm will decide on new songs to play you based on previous choices. It’s very simple, requires no technical skill, and I already discovered 4 new bands I love.

http://www.last.fm/user/existentialistG

Feel good ghosts

Have now replaced “Places Like This” as my favourite album. Sorry, AIH. It’s a beautfiul album, with one particular song that appealed to my more feminine side. For some reason. Look, why are you still thinking about that sentence? Don’t quote me on that. GO AWAY.

Future Publishing: Well, not my future

I sent a query to Ross Atherton of PC Gamer for work experience, and he referred me to PC Zone, because PCG isn’t offering it. After trying to sound all slick in an email to Ali Woods, the editor of  PCZ, she found out I was younger than 18. Erk.

Nevertheless, it as just really nice how these two editors were so informative and helpful. So here’s to you, PC Gamer and Zone. Also; which one is better? They both seem incredibly similar in format, but I’m going to lean slightly to PCG, because I won one of their competitions without knowing it, resulting in me getting a copy of City of Heroes/Villains and a sexeh figurine. Maybe this harks the beginning of a new experimental videogames journalism series, in which I write about my descent into the misty worlds of MMOs.

Or maybe not. Who knows?

Mirror’s edge fanboy drooling speculation

No, I’m not a fanboy, but I have been drooling over it. There are two art/architecture styles I’m inexpicably drawn to; gleaming sci-fi cities, and grim urban decay. Ess tee ay ell kay ee ar: Shadow of Chernobyl satisfied my thirst for the latter in a videogame, so Mirror’s Edge is sure to complete my life.

And despite the relentless average reviews, my hopes remain high for Mirror’s Edge. With the keyboard and mouse as the controller, surely us PC-ers can not die as much as all the consolers complain about.

Another criticism is the short length. However, the devs are releasing some beautiful extra levels, based on speed runs, as a response to the criticism of the difficult combat:

People who ruin games

I know there are waaayy too many of these posts on the ‘net right now, but I really wanted to vent. Sorry.

Case 1: Being called a “nub”

 I was re-reading an issue of PC Gamer a while back, and noticed in the mod section something called “hide and seek.” Half the players act like random physics-enabled objects, while the other team hunt them down. I randomly clicked on a server in Counter Strike, only to discover the server was running this very mod. I had fantastic fun for the first 5 rounds, running about with an AWP, gunning down fleeing telephones.

Then the map switched to de_dust.

I was placed on the object team, as by this time the game had winded down, leaving only me and 3 other guys. American guys. Obnoxious American guys. Now just put a “fucking” in front of that statement, and replace “guys” with assholes. Mmmkay?

Despite the fact that the mod doesn’t really work when the majority of players are on the hunter team, I valiantly joined the object team, and became a barrel. I slipped in with a few of my circular pals and waited. When an object the game lets you go third person, so I watched hunters randomly shoot a bunch of crates before one of them came over and investigated me. He pulled out his shotgun, and fired a couple of rounds, killing me.

I can live with defeat. It happens a lot in games, none more than Counter Strike. I can always win a fair match or knife fight, but frequently campers ruin the game. But whatever. I tried again, this time as a wooden-vase thingy and went on the patio right above where the hunters spawn. Despite being among my own gloriously circular kind, a hunter with an UMP fires potshots and luckily gets me.

I play a few more rounds, but then after my 5th death, the voice comms open up.

“Haha, nub.”

…

“You really don’t know how to play.”

I play a few more games, but am repeatedly killed, each time with this mocking. After my 8th death, I get tired and switch to the Hunter team.

“What the fuck nub, now there’s no-one on the other team!”
“How the fuck are we meant to play now?”
“Nub.”

I spawn, auto-shotty in hand, and kill both of them. Headshots.

Disconnect.

You see, dear readers, there’s only so much abuse I can take. Now while I can accept mocking after a funny or embarassing death, the shit these two morons were spewing sickened me. And the fact they said it in their generic American accents, and actually said the word “nub” in real speech made me want to vomit. My disconnect could be perceived as a rage-quit, but I’m pretty sure I got my point across in the end.

There will most likely be more case studies like this, as long as assholes remain on the face of the earth. And I will do my best to present them.

Non-existent gameplay

(Huge apologies to PC Gamer, I started this and realised after 5 minutes there was already a Devil’s Advocate on it.)

Reviewers frequently use the word “gameplay” when describing a game. What is gameplay? The act of doing something, or interacting with something, in the game. But gameplay is practically non-existent. All that exists in a game is aesthetics.. you know, the look of the game, the sound of the game. What’s the difference in Counter Strike between shooting a desert eagle at somebody, and shooting an USP at someone? That is, taking out all aesthetics. One thing; the amount of damage the person on the other side of the barrel receives. You could replace the desert eagle with a shotgun, and the difference would be the same.

So how do game designers trick us into thinking that there is gameplay, that the difference between firing two types of pistols is that they are both real in the game, that the difference is the same as in firing two pistols in real life? Designers throw on a massive amount of things to trick us. Recoil, magazine capacity, bullet pentration, reload speed, silencers, different firing modes, visuals, sounds etc. make the pixels actually feel like guns, rather than abstract chunks of metal in the bottom-right hand corner of our screens that take hitpoints of another bunch of pixels, which is a character.

Everything in Counter Strike is interchangeable with Day of Defeat. They’re actually exactly the same game, but with a very large amount of very minor aesthetic adjustments. A M16 turns into a BAR, and suddenly everyone’s buying both. In essence, a M16 is the same as a BAR, it’s just that they’re aesthetically different. A terrorist turns into a Nazi, with exactly the same movement speed, health, armour, and suddenly everyone applauds the model design.

So what exactly is the point of this? We’ve established that gameplay doesn’t truly exist, that every time we shoot a fully-animated-with-ragdoll-physics Nazi it could be the same as shooting a peice of paper, and we’ve established that all games in a genre are essentially the same game.

There is one thing that is actually unique to game, that being the story. So please, developers, stop focusing on the aesthetics, and start focusing on the story, the characters, add some truly unique gameplay into it. Mirror’s Edge did exactly that, while also tossing on aesthetic changes to the stock FPS game.

Oh, and this goes to the videogames journalists out there also. Stop lauding games for their gameplay, realise it’s all aesthetics, and write about that instead.

Once again, apologies to PCG.